My friends back home have been making hilarious bulletins, emails, texts, etc.
"Check the rubble of my parent's house for my body."
"This hurricane is really cutting into my dance time."
"I'm giving Texas one more hurricane, and then it's over. I will move to Seattle ahead of schedule, I swear to Darwin."
While I do believe they should all GTFO, I find comfort in the fact that we always know what to say about a hurricane. Is it any surprise the first year I lived in Austin I was unknowingly drawn to Golden Trianglians at social gatherings due to their wit, sarcasm and ability to drink?
From Jennifer:
"Courtesy of The Bayou:
While we hurry up and wait for Mr. Ike to make his move, a Bayou reader sent along a few storm-themed cocktails to help take the edge off (muchos gracias, Charles). We're all adults here, so feel free to enjoy a beverage or three -- any amateur mixologist can whip up these tasty creations. Just remember, moderation please -- unless of course, we're caught in the crosshairs.
If so, bottoms up!
MANDATORY EVACUATION
1 1/2 oz. Absolute Ruby Red vodka
1/2 oz. vermouth
Clamato
Prune juice
Combine vodka and vermouth in cocktail glass. Fill remainder of glass with equal parts clamato and prune juice. Stir. Drink. Ask next-door neighbor whose ficus tree blew over and crashed onto your roof - even though you'd warned him for months to uproot it - if you can use his bathroom. Repeat.
CATEGORY 5
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. tequila
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourbon
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet-and-sour mix
Splash of fruit juice
Combine vodka, tequila, rum, bourbon and gin in a tall glass. Fill remainder of glass with sweet-and-sour mix and splash of juice. Stir, then garnish with an inverted drink umbrella. Drink during peak storm hours and vow not to believe anyone who tries to tell you the hurricane that flooded your garage and destroyed your shed was just a Category 1.
CONE OF PROBABILITY
1 oz. cinnamon schnapps
1 sugar cone
Pour the schnapps into the sugar cone. Every time you hear a TV weatherman say, 'Cone of probability,' bite off the end of the cone and down the shot. If you hear Jim Cantore say it, drink two shots consecutively. (They should change this phrase to the 'Cantore Zone', damn him.
Have you ever noticed that, despite all the cone of probability talk, if Cantore is parked in front of your house your ass is toast?)
FEEDER BAND
2 oz. Midori
2 oz. rum
1 scoop vanilla ice cream
After your home loses power, combine Midori and rum in a cocktail glass. Add a scoop of the vanilla ice cream that is melting in your freezer. Stir. Drink through a straw.
BEACH EROSION
1 1/2 oz. Goldschläger
1 1/2 oz. apple brandy
1 pack Sugar in the Raw
Combine Goldschläger, apple brandy and sugar in cocktail glass. As you drink, seriously contemplate moving your Yankee butt back to New Jersey where it belongs.
DOWNED POWER LINE
1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola
Combine ingredients in a cocktail glass. Drink while trying to figure out how the heck you're supposed to go two freakin' weeks without television and AC.
FLOOD ZONE
2 oz. Kahlúa
2 oz. Baileys Irish cream
4 oz. rum
Serve in a 6-ounce glass and laugh-cry deliriously as the mess spills all over the countertop.
COLD SHOWER
2 oz. Blue Aftershock
4 oz. Sprite
Combine in a cocktail glass with the crushed ice you received after waiting in line for three hours at a mall parking lot. Take a deep breath, sip and scream like a little girl when the cold beverage hits your tongue. Repeat.
LOOTERS WILL BE SHOT
1 oz. Jack Daniel's
Splash of sasparilla
Rock salt
Load both barrels of a shotg