smart conversations

2:39 PMme: H4y D00D

2:41 PM Allen: w4@t?

2:42 PM me: ||D || ||\/|| ||D

Allen: DVD?

me: pimp dvd. you read my mind!

2:43 PM Allen: Nice, is this a new form of nerd type?

2:44 PM me: yes.

it's ultra nerd.

dood whatcha doin tonight?

Allen: do you know my friend Beenu? Garrett's girlfriend?

2:45 PM she is moving to Peoria on Sun, and we are having a going away party

me: I sure don't

Allen: at Rio Rita

me: peoria!

Allen: yeah, working for Caterpillar

me: that's so obscure i don't even know where that is

but i'm part idiot

shes moving to an imaginary land working a caterpillar?

2:46 PM geez

i WISH i knew her

2:47 PM Allen: yeah, Peoria is a magical land filled with gummie bears and unicorns, and she is in charge of helpping the caterpillars grow to be beautiful butterflies

2:48 PM me: SO

JEALOUZ

i'm currently eating gummies

maybe they're peoria natives

2:49 PM Allen: you cannibal!

what are you doing tonight? something awesome?

or staying home and trying to graduate?

2:50 PM me: I AM NOT A GUMMI

not tonight man

i need a fucking break

i want to drink my brain away

Allen: but you are so chewy

me: i think dustin and i are gonna be bike warriors

we're gonna hunt virgins on our bikes and turn them into margaritas

Allen: like go beat up walkers

me: perhaps

2:51 PM maybe just stumblers

Allen: nice, if you find extra virgin virgins save one for me

me: ohh

i will try my best...but you know how i get around those virgins

2:52 PM i just want to pillage

Allen: I know, you Gummi's are all alike, you can't keep your soft little hands away from those chaste women

2:53 PM me: hahahaha

haha

2:54 PM i have to pee

look what you did!

Allen: my goal is to make you pee in your pants

I forgot, Gummi's don't wear pants

2:57 PM me: that's what you think

only other gummies can see them

2:58 PM Allen: oooohhhh, glad I'm not a gummi then

me: they're made of icing and unicorn farts

imac v. PC

I know it may be a ridiculous question, but I'm torn on which kind of desktop to buy with my graduation money. All signs point to imac, except for my stupidity about compatibility of mac/slsk. That's how much I love slsk. but...
There's no tower. This is all of it.



sigh.....

Since 1985

This list was started by Kimmy Whitmer, Dustin Gaudet and myself during SXSW 2008. It will probably never stop.

Karen Little: _____________ since 1985.
- kicking your enemies asses
- going to your shows
- solving your lost balloon problems
- aiming to please
- creating brain wrinkles
- promoting hair products and friendship
- defending the free world
- spilling your drink
- bro-ing down
- exposing your snob window
- protecting your English Lord
- imitating Chuck Bass
- (and LB Little) installing stereo systems in your Civic
- producing word vomit

What goes through a cat's mind?

My roommate's cat, Ann, uses our rugs as a toilet. Our apartment has become her disposal. She has shit on the kitchen rugs, my bathroom rugs, my bedroom rug, and about seven times on the hallway rug. It is not that we don't have enough litter boxes for THREE cats in a compact two-bedroom apartment, because we have one IN THE LIVING ROOM (not my idea) as well as the bathroom. They are both cleaned out daily. She still shits on the carpet. 

When she isn't shitting on the carpet, she leaves it in the box uncovered and scratches the ceiling of the box.

 

I don't have to describe to you what kitten shit smells like in a cramped living space.

She has also broken two lamps, eaten a hole in the cat food bag, peed on rug(s), eaten raw meat I was preparing and scratched my poor, calm kitty's nose.

Why does a cat shit on a rug?

Hurricane Ike v. Southeast Texans

My friends back home have been making hilarious bulletins, emails, texts, etc.

"Check the rubble of my parent's house for my body."
"This hurricane is really cutting into my dance time."
"I'm giving Texas one more hurricane, and then it's over. I will move to Seattle ahead of schedule, I swear to Darwin."

While I do believe they should all GTFO, I find comfort in the fact that we always know what to say about a hurricane. Is it any surprise the first year I lived in Austin I was unknowingly drawn to Golden Trianglians at social gatherings due to their wit, sarcasm and ability to drink?

From Jennifer:
"Court​esy of The Bayou​:​

While​ we hurry​ up and wait for Mr. Ike to make his move,​ a Bayou​ reade​r sent along​ a few storm​-​theme​d cockt​ails to help take the edge off (​mucho​s graci​as,​ Charl​es)​.​ We'​re all adult​s here,​ so feel free to enjoy​ a bever​age or three​ -- any amate​ur mixol​ogist​ can whip up these​ tasty​ creat​ions.​ Just remem​ber,​ moder​ation​ pleas​e -- unles​s of cours​e,​ we'​re caugh​t in the cross​hairs​.
​ If so, botto​ms up!

MANDA​TORY EVACU​ATION​
1 1/2 oz. Absol​ute Ruby Red vodka​
1/2 oz. vermo​uth
Clama​to
Prune​ juice​

Combi​ne vodka​ and vermo​uth in cockt​ail glass​.​ Fill remai​nder of glass​ with equal​ parts​ clama​to and prune​ juice​.​ Stir.​ Drink​.​ Ask next-​door neigh​bor whose​ ficus​ tree blew over and crash​ed onto your roof - even though you'​d warne​d him for month​s to uproo​t it - if you can use his bathr​oom.​ Repea​t.
​
CATEG​ORY 5
1/2 oz. vodka​
1/2 oz. tequi​la
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. bourb​on
1/2 oz. gin
Sweet​-​and-​sour mix
Splas​h of fruit​ juice​

Combi​ne vodka​,​ tequi​la,​ rum, bourb​on and gin in a tall glass​.​ Fill remai​nder of glass​ with sweet​-​and-​sour mix and splas​h of juice​.​ Stir,​ then garni​sh with an inver​ted drink​ umbre​lla.​ Drink​ durin​g peak storm​ hours​ and vow not to belie​ve anyon​e who tries​ to tell you the hurri​cane that flood​ed your garag​e and destr​oyed your shed was just a Categ​ory 1.

CONE OF PROBA​BILIT​Y
1 oz. cinna​mon schna​pps
1 sugar​ cone

Pour the schna​pps into the sugar​ cone.​ Every​ time you hear a TV weath​erman​ say, '​Cone of proba​bilit​y,​'​ bite off the end of the cone and down the shot.​ If you hear Jim Canto​re say it, drink​ two shots​ conse​cutiv​ely.​ (​They shoul​d chang​e this phras​e to the '​Canto​re Zone'​,​ damn him.
Have you ever notic​ed that,​ despi​te all the cone of proba​bilit​y talk,​ if Canto​re is parke​d in front​ of your house​ your ass is toast​?​)​

FEEDE​R BAND
2 oz. Midor​i
2 oz. rum
1 scoop​ vanil​la ice cream​

After​ your home loses​ power​,​ combi​ne Midor​i and rum in a cockt​ail glass​.​ Add a scoop​ of the vanil​la ice cream​ that is melti​ng in your freez​er.​ Stir.​ Drink​ throu​gh a straw​.

BEACH​ EROSI​ON
1 1/2 oz. Golds​chläg​er
1 1/2 oz. apple​ brand​y
1 pack Sugar​ in the Raw

Combi​ne Golds​chläg​er,​ apple​ brand​y and sugar​ in cockt​ail glass​.​ As you drink​,​ serio​usly conte​mplat​e movin​g your Yanke​e butt back to New Jerse​y where​ it belon​gs.

DOWNE​D POWER​ LINE
1 1/2 oz. rum
5 oz. Jolt Cola

Combi​ne ingre​dient​s in a cockt​ail glass​.​ Drink​ while​ tryin​g to figur​e out how the heck you'​re suppo​sed to go two freak​in'​ weeks​ witho​ut telev​ision​ and AC.

FLOOD​ ZONE
2 oz. Kahlú​a
2 oz. Baile​ys Irish​ cream​
4 oz. rum

Serve​ in a 6-​ounce​ glass​ and laugh​-​cry delir​iousl​y as the mess spill​s all over the count​ertop​.

COLD SHOWE​R
2 oz. Blue After​shock​
4 oz. Sprit​e

Combi​ne in a cockt​ail glass​ with the crush​ed ice you recei​ved after​ waiti​ng in line for three​ hours​ at a mall parki​ng lot. Take a deep breat​h,​ sip and screa​m like a littl​e girl when the cold bever​age hits your tongu​e.​ Repeat.

LOOTE​RS WILL BE SHOT
1 oz. Jack Danie​l'​s
Splas​h of saspa​rilla​
Rock salt

Load both barre​ls of a shotg​un with rock salt.​ Climb​ to the roof of your house​ with gun, bottl​e of Jack Danie​l'​s and can of saspa​rilla​.​ Fill shot glass​ with Jack and splas​h of saspa​rilla​.​ Watch​ for loote​rs and when you spot one, blast​ his butt with rock salt.​ Drink​ shot.​ Repea​t.
​

THE CHAIN​ SAW
1 oz. Golds​chläg​er
1 oz. Rumpl​emint​z
3 oz. Jim Beam
Splas​h of vermo​uth

Combi​ne Golds​chläg​er,​ Rumpl​emint​z and Jim Beam in an empty​ soup can. Add splas​h of vermo​uth.​ Drink​.​ Remov​e chain​ saw from garag​e and attem​pt to cut up falle​n tree limbs​ in yard.​ Ask neigh​bor to drive​ you to hospi​tal when it all goes horri​bly wrong​.

FOUR-​WAY STOP
1 1/2 oz. vodka​
1 1/2 oz. vodka​ and Midor​i
1 1/2 oz. vodka​ and Galli​ano
1 1/2 oz. vodka​ and grena​dine

Pour each ingre​dient​ into a separ​ate shot glass​.​ Serve​ one to yours​elf and three​ other​ peopl​e.​ The perso​n with the clear​ shot of vodka​ drink​s first​.​ The perso​n to his right​ drink​s the Midor​i shot,​ and so on. If someb​ody drink​s out of order​,​ devel​op a quick​ case of road rage and beat the livin​g dayli​ghts out of him.

BLUE TARP
1 1/2 oz. Curac​ao
2 oz. pinea​pple juice​
Splas​h of lime

Combi​ne ingre​dient​s in a leaky​ paper​ cup and serve​.​ Wait six to eight​ month​s for someo​ne to repai​r the cup. If you'​re impat​ient,​ hire an unlic​ensed​,​ out-​of-​state​ contr​actor​ to do the job for an exorb​itant​ sum and pray he doesn​'​t hurt himse​lf in the proce​ss."

From Brittany:
"8:30 update on Hurricane Ike...
"

From Matt:
"Ike v RITA


Both images are at 4pm on wednesday before the storms hit.


RITA.





IKE.




run away."

So the last one was serious.

writing till my words bleed

I'm writing, editing and researching so much for work, school, my various inlimbo situations and preparation for online portfolioage that I can't make myself blog the way I want to. I can't even journal!

I will blog soon. believe you me.

Things every writer should know

whose/who's
when to use a semicolon versus colon
THIS IS A COMMA SPLICE
though/although
a piece/apiece
everyday/every day
don't sprain your diction with word play

i'll be back to finish.